During Halloween, the world tends to glorify death and all manner of dark things. While the Bible does contain tales of ghastly deaths and at times in vivid detail, it does not glorify death. On the contrary, it predicts the defeat of death, mockingly saying; “O death where is your victory? O death where is your sting?”. These tales of gory deaths serve as a caution for those on the path of evil and at times, to bring to light the extent of the wickedness of the murderers. Other times though, it is to remind us that death could seize us at any moment, in any manner.
10. King Eglon
Judges 3:12-30
The Israelites had once again turned to idol worship and evil which caused God to put them under the Moabite king, Eglon. They repented and God mercifully appointed Ehud to be their liberator. The Israelites were obligated to give tributes to their lords and this time it was Ehud who was chosen to take it. In a cinema-esque chain of events, Ehud having this opportunity forged a double-edged sword and strapped it to his right thigh. Now Ehud was a left-handed man and so when the guards searched him for weapons they didn’t find any as they most probably assumed he was a right-handed man and searched only his left side since it was normal for right-handed warriors to draw their weapons from that side. Once in, Ehud proceeded to tell the king that he had a special message for him causing him to order everyone to leave the room. Once they were alone, he went on to eviscerate the porcine king who was so fat, that his belly entirely swallowed up Ehud’s new sword and to add more colour to this beautiful picture, his bowels discharged. Ehud left the chamber, locking the doors behind him, supposedly whistling nonchalantly as he hurriedly left the palace.
9. Sisera
Judges 4
The Israelites went back to their sinning shortly after Eglon’s stabbin’ and thus were put under a new king; Jabin. Ehud was dead and the new leader was the prophetess Deborah. Deborah sent a message to a man named Barak to assemble an army that was to fight the armies of King Jabin who were led by Sisera, a cruel man. Barak not believing in his chances of winning (the enemy had the modern day equivalent of tanks while they had simple foot soldiers) said he’d only go if the prophetess went with him and out of this unbelief, God said that the honor of slaying Sisera would go to a woman. Long story short, the two armies met but God threw the enemy into confusion and Sisera ended up turning tail and fleeing on foot. He fled to an ally of his whose wife, Jael, met him. She ushered him in, even giving him milk and a warm blanky. Lulled into a false sense of security, he was soon fast asleep. Jael crept up on him with a hammer and tent peg, driving it through through the side of his head, out the other side and into the ground.
8. Korah and his men
Numbers 16:1-40
Korah was a Levite, a lineage of priests among the Israelite tribes. It really ached this guy that Moses, a fellow Levite was putting himself above everybody else as God’s “chosen one”. Consumed by pride, he went to confront Moses with about 252 other leaders. Moses on being told this decided for a competition where they would present fire pots filled with perfume to God and God would choose the true leader. God however, wasn’t accepting any résumes and would have none of this rebellion. If you think an unanswered email is bad after submitting a résume, try the ground beneath you opening up and swallowing you and your entire family into an abyss. This was due to Korah and the 252 rejecting God’s authority and testing him. They dug themselves into a pit they couldn’t get themselves out of.
7. Eli
1 Samuel 4:17-18
Eli was a priest and leader of Israel serving at the tabernacle in Shilloh. He had two sons, Hophni and Phineas who were the negative stereotype of the pastor’s kid; ill-mannered with a sense of entitlement. They served at the tabernacle but broke the law by eating the meat from the sacrifices and sleeping with the women who served at the doorway to the tent of meeting. Eli on hearing of their escapades wasn’t very proactive in disciplining his sons and this mistake would lead to his death. His sons went to battle, taking the Ark of the Covenant thinking it could serve like a magic lamp and grant them victory. Surely, they were defeated and the Ark captured by the Philistines. Upon receiving this unsettling news, Eli fell off his chair but due to his advanced age and being overweight, his neck broke and he died.
6. King Jehoram
2 Chronicles 21
King Jehoram was the king of Judah after his father King Jehoshaphat died. Unlike his jumping father, Jehoram was not intent on honoring the Lord and executed his six brothers along with other officials in order to rule unopposed. He went on to build temples for idols which further angered the Lord. God pronounced judgement on him and his kingdom was invaded. His palace was ransacked and looted by the invaders and all his wives and kids taken. He then got bowel cancer and after two years of excruciating pain his bowels fell out and he died in great pain. No one mourned him and he was not even buried in the tomb of kings.
5. Absalom
2 Samuel 18
David was a good father, a man after God’s own heart while Absalom was his son, vengeful and self-seeking. Absalom was Israel’s heartthrob with long locks of hair and not a blemish from head to toe. On top of that, he was very intelligent and full of cunning. His troubles all started when his half-brother raped his sister. He ended up killing him and running away for two years but then his dad David called him back. Back in the kingdom, he began seducing Israel’s people, saying he would listen to their problems and give them justice, which his father already did but Absalom conveniently bent that truth. Soon, a good number of people had been brainwashed into wanting Absalom as king and David had to flee or he’d be killed. As Absalom was riding his mule looking for David, his long locks that had once got the ladies weak at the knees got caught in the branches of a tree leaving him dangling midair as the mule went on. When David’s commander Joab found him, he struck three spears through his heart and to make sure the job was done, ten other guys did the same. As if all that wasn’t enough, they threw him in a pit and piled a lot of rocks on top of him.
4. Haman
Esther
Haman was a failed vice-chancellor version of Hitler though he had an ego to match. He was second in the kingdom to King Xerxes. Feeling spurned when Mordecai, Queen Esther’s guardian, failed to bow to him he became very bitter. Upon learning that Mordecai was a Jew, his resolve was to exterminate the entire race. He prepared a special execution specifically for Mordecai; an unnecessarily long 75 ft pole upon which he’d be impaled. He would have succeeded too were it not for the Queen’s intervention. Hearing of the plan (both for Mordecai and all Jews), it wasn’t long (no pun intended ) before Xerxes ordered Haman to be impaled on that same pole. Though some do argue it was hanging as opposed to skewering, history suggests otherwise.
3. Herod
Herod the Great was the first Herod and he was the one who massacred all the babies when he heard Jesus was born. Then there was his son Herod Antipas who beheaded Jesus’ cousin John the baptist and Jesus was taken to him when he was arrested. Antipas’ son, Herod Agrippa I was in charge during the time of the early church and he was the one who killed the apostle James making him the first martyr. If those aren’t enough Herods for you, there was the last Herod, Agrippa II who intervened and ensured Paul was tried as a Roman citizen and not by the Jews. Herod Agrippa I, the persecutor was the Herod who met an unsightly end. He delivered a speech that moved the crowd so much that they called him a god and presumably worshiped him. God was angered that Herod did not castigate the people for this and praise the one true God but instead reveled in it and thus he was struck down, devoured by worms from the inside.
2. A good number of the early Christians (1st to 3rd century)
The early church began shortly after Christ died, resurrected and ascended. For a while everything was cool and Christians were like any other sect in the Roman Empire. Then came the fire which devastated the city and its economy. The Emperor Nero wanting to shift the blame, said it was the Christians who did it. Soon, the persecution of Christians became the hottest new thing in town, literally. Nero is alleged to have crucified Christians using them as garden ornaments. He coated them in wax and lit them alight for entertainment and for lighting his path during his nightly garden walks. Victims were also sewn up in animal skins and ravenous dogs set loose upon them. Even after Nero, persecution continued; Bartholomew was skinned alive, Mark was dragged behind a chariot till his bone showed, and many were boiled alive in oil or water. The sad thing is persecution goes on to this very day, early this year 11 Christians were crucified and beheaded in Syria, in North Korea, Christians are thrown into concentration camps where similar tortures occur, every other day ISIS displaces hundreds of Christians and beheads quite a number too. We can pray but there’s more we can do.
1. Jesus Christ
Matthew 26, Matthew 27
The word “excruciating” comes from the Latin, excruciatus, or “out of the cross. This aptly describes Jesus’ last several hours before he died. Excruciating emotional, mental and physical pain. His friends had abandoned him and one of his closest one even denied knowing him in front of him. The Sanhedrin who were trialing him proceeded to deem him guilty and spit in his face while hitting him mockingly asking, “Prophesy to us, Messiah. Who hit you?”. Jesus was then taken and flogged with a flagrum, a small whip with multiple thongs each having balls of lead attached to the end. The first few blows of this instrument of torture only remove a bit of skin but dig deeper with each successive blow till they reach the underlying muscle tissue and arteries, leading to substantial blood loss. After this some soldiers put an expensive robe on him and placed a crown of thorns on his head, leading to more blood loss due to the many vessels in the scalp. They proceeded to mockingly kneel before him, hailing him as “king“. Dehydrated, hungry and possibly anaemic, he had to carry a 30-50kg (66-110lbs) cross for a few miles to Golgotha but was helped some of the way. On the cross, he was most probably nailed to it at the wrist as the palms would tear at the pull of the body’s weight. His body pulling down on the outstretched arms would hinder breathing. After a while, his arms would lose strength and give in, separating the shoulders from the sockets. He’d try to support himself on his injured feet adding more pain as the wounds rub against the nails driven through them. After a few hours, he’d probably succumb to suffocation or the blood loss; all this for a crime he didn’t commit. He was innocent. But it was all for an awesome cause and he resurrected 3 days later.
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